Let’s Talk About Sex
This article was originally written by Dr. Renee Young for Geezer Magazine — a bold, print-only publication exploring what it actually means to age in today’s world.
Unlike traditional “aging” media, Geezer is built for a Gen X audience navigating midlife on their own terms. It combines long-form storytelling, sharp commentary, and unapologetically honest takes on health, relationships, work, and identity — all delivered in a beautifully designed, oversized print format that intentionally pushes back against the noise of digital content.
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If you want to get physical, you’ve got to clock your chemicals
Remember when you could just think about getting busy, and your body would respond like a supercharged V8? Ah, good times. But just like our ability to live on Red Bull and gummy bears, some things change with age.
If you want to keep exploring the rhythm of the night, you’ve got to understand the chemistry that makes your body talk. I’m not talking about who you love. I’m talking about how much sex you want.
As a hormone expert, I view desire and intimacy through the lens of chemistry. Who we are attracted to, how often we feel desire, and how those drives shift across our lifespan are largely dictated by a complex “cocktail” of hormones and neurotransmitters. And while sex is undeniably an emotional and physical experience, it’s largely driven by chemical messengers.
Turns out, your midlife libido isn’t just a victim of time. It’s being hijacked by a great hormonal conspiracy. So let’s dive into the chemicals that make your body tick.
Just can’t get it up?
Testosterone, the “boom boom” hormone, is the real MVP of your metabolic team—for women and men alike.
Think of the Big T as that friend who showed up at your crappy college apartment at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday with a six-pack and the address of some party way across town. Good idea? No. Good time? Absolutely.
So when your testosterone tanks, both men and women experience what I call the sad trifecta: decreased libido, muscle turning to mush, and energy that’s more sloth than sexpot.
The kicker? Men’s testosterone levels decrease by about 1% every year after 30. And by the time they hit menopause, women’s testosterone will have decreased by about 50%.
If this sounds familiar, consider getting your testosterone levels checked.
Girls just want to have (sexual) function
For women, the hormone situation is like a complicated dance routine—lots of estrogen, some testosterone, trying to work together without stepping on each other’s toes.
Estrogen keeps things running smoothly (and I mean that literally—lubrication), and when it peaks during ovulation, desire often tags along for the ride.
Then comes progesterone, the hormonal equivalent of your mom coming home early from vacation and shutting down your illicit house party. It shows up during the second half of your menstrual cycle and tells your libido to simmer down.
When perimenopause hits and estrogen drops off a cliff, it’s not uncommon to feel the effects: hot flashes, poor sleep, brain fog, mood swings. Not exactly a recipe for desire.
If this sounds like you, find a doctor knowledgeable in menopausal hormone therapy (MHT), the modern term for what was previously called hormone replacement therapy (HRT).
Head over feels
Before anything happens physically, your brain is lighting up like a pinball machine.
Dopamine creates that “I want” feeling. It’s the same hormone that drives your Netflix binges.
Serotonin is your “feel good” chemical and contributes to orgasms for both women and men. But too much serotonin can dampen your sex drive, which is why sexual dysfunction is a common side effect of certain antidepressants.
Relax (you did it)
Post-coital bliss isn’t just in your head.
Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” floods your system during orgasm, leaving you with that “we should do this again” feeling.
Endorphins, aka “nature’s morphine,” reduce stress and create a sense of euphoria.
Then there’s prolactin—the “I’m done” signal. Released after climax, it brings relaxation and contentment. Combined with oxytocin, it’s responsible for the male refractory period (aka mandatory nap time). Women, however, don’t experience the same prolactin surge.
Bad for the bone
When it comes to sex, chemistry can also work against you.
Stress triggers cortisol—the ultimate libido killer. It suppresses the hormones you need for intimacy, making sex feel like another task on your to-do list.
Middle age can be a pressure cooker. If you’re trying to reconnect with your partner, start by reducing stress.
Golden years
If you need one more reason to keep things alive in the bedroom, here it is:
Sex can actually protect your brain and keep those feel-good hormones flowing well into your later years. It’s a “use it or lose it” situation—just more fun than crossword puzzles.
So take heart. Losing your mojo is often hormonal. With the right support and balance, you can absolutely get your groove back.
